Thanksgiving and The Quality of Life

Thanksgiving 2011 marks my three year mark to being diagnosed with ovarian cancer stage 3C.

In years past, Frank and I did our Thanksgiving on the Saturday following the Thursday holiday. Being we are both divorced and our kids have another parent, this makes it so much easier for everyone (especially the kids) to share the holiday with everyone. Our Saturday Thanksgiving’s grew over the years to where we invited not only family, but our friends with their families as well. It made for a fun day to celebrate. Two Thanksgiving’s ago in 2009, we had a large crowd of family and friends close to us. It was a wonderful day I will not forget, because I had beaten the beast and was cancer free. A lot to celebrate. 

Thanksgiving 2009

Thanksgiving 2009

Thanksgiving 2010

Thanksgiving 2010

When the cancer returned that January, I was on chemo for 11 months. There was no way I had the energy to do our usual big traditional Thanksgiving Saturday, so we had Franks parents, Evan, Britt and two of Britts friends. I figured no big deal; we will pick up where we left off next year.

However this year, once again, the cancer returned in January, and I have been on chemo ever since. Once again, I was not up to doingThanksgiving Saturday, actually I wasn't up to doing much of anything, and I have to admit it hit me hard not being able to do it this year. 

Our close friends, Karen and John, invited us to their home out east in Southold for Thanksgiving. Wow, I love it out there. It is very relaxing to be there, and I love Karen, John and both of their kids, this would be just what the doctor ordered. It took a little juggling of Frank’s and Evan’s schedules, but it all worked out for us to go, except Brittany couldn’t come, because she was with her mom for the holiday, and we didn’t see our parents this year. It was bitter-sweet for me, but it comforted me to know this was the first year in at least 14 years, Evan and I would spend the actual Thanksgiving Day together. Being with Frank, Evan, Karen, John, Carly and Johnny out east was perfect for me, I wished Britt could have been with us too. This was going to be a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Harley not feeling very well, and
Bailey comforting him :)

I prepped some food dishes for Thanksgiving dinner here at home. Karen drove me and our dogs out on Wednesday. Well…. Let the fun begin! It was cold and rainy out that night, and Karen thought best to take Ocean Parkway, to avoid a good portion of the inevitable holiday traffic. I knew Harley (our Golden Retriever) gets carsick, so I gave him two Benadryl for him to go to sleep. Ha! No chance for that to happen, and 20 minutes into the ride, Harley got sick… Ughh… pulled on to the shoulder of the parkway, I got out, and insisted Karen stay in the car, because she was on the driver side next to the road and I was afraid she could get hit by a passing car, except when I got out, and took Harley out to clean the mess, Harley managed to maneuver the collar off of his neck, and was walking in front of the car. Karen yelps out to me, I scream, then I play sweet and call him over to me. Thank goodness, he came to me. My heart was in my mouth, thinking the worst. So much flashed through my mind in those 10 seconds. So, Karen gets out of the car, and she cleaned the mess as I tightened Harley’s collar. Back in the car we go, where Bailey is waiting for us, wondering what the “F” is going on!! Another 20 minutes later, Harley gets sick again… holy crap. We were by Captree, so Karen pulled into the parking lot, we took out both dogs, cleaned up and off we went…  Now… I must add that I had purchased a car seat cover for dogs to sit on the day before. I didn’t want Karen’s SUV to get ruined, and that seat cover is the best thing invented since sliced bread! NOTHING seeped through it!!! We are now getting close to her house, and she decided to take another detour to avoid a heavily trafficked area. Good call Karen!!! Yup! You guessed it, Harley got sick AGAIN! There was a 7-11 right there, we stopped, Karen ran in and got a roll of paper towels, and Clorox wipes. The rain had turned into drizzle at this point, but it was still freakin’ cold out there! As Karen has the dogs on the leashes in the parking lot, and I am cleaning the mess, I look over and see the inside of the door… Holy sh*t, the flippin’ dog tossed his cookies all over the handle, and door. I tell her “don’t look!” She say’s “don’t look at what?” I said (as I was laughing) “just don’t look!!!” I had to tell her. Well, Karen earned another pair of angel wings at that moment, because she laughed, instead of getting mad! I love this woman! Oh, I forgot to mention, that John’s Aunt had baked him a pie, that we needed to keep straight and in 1 piece. So through all of this going, stopping, puking, cleaning, freezing, etc… we made sure the pie was good!

Finally we get to the house, and I was sooooo happy to be there. We pull in and drive up their long driveway, and there is John by the house. Whew! We made it, and here is your freakin’ pie!

Johnny and Carly, came out later that night. Such great kids, I adore them. The night was kind of long, as my pups were in a new place and a bit unsettled. They woke me up to go out once in the middle of the night, and then in the early morning. Well, the madness continued… Harley took off and Bailey followed him (no, I didn’t have them on leashes, because they had been coming right back to me when I called them, except now!), into a neighbor’s back yard and then gone…. So I have to wake up everyone to help me get the dogs back. This was a real reality check to me that I couldn’t run after them to get them. I was virtually helpless from aching knees, ankles and hips combined with a very low energy level. They got the dogs back (Thank G-d), and the rest of the time it was leashes or no outdoors! A great way to start off Thanksgiving Day!

Bailey (on a leash) watching the
boys toss a football around.

Evan drove out that morning, and Frank came a bit later. It was such a nice feeling of love and friendships, with happy kids, happy pups (they have a dog named Buster who is tiny but full of life!) and just being able to celebrate the holiday with such good friends. Later in the day, John’s folks joined us as well. It was a typical Thanksgiving Day… The women were in the kitchen, and the men were watching the football game and tossing a football around in the yard. The dogs were running around outside with them, on their leashes, which really limited their running space. Dinner was delicious and there was so much food, it was crazy, but leftovers are always a welcome thing to have around!

John’s folks and Frank left later that night as he had to be at work at 3 AM for Black Friday. Evan and I stayed over (Evan and Johnny are great friends. They have been friends since the 1^st grade), and as we were all watching TV, I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and kept dozing off. For anyone who knows me of late, I have a very difficult time falling asleep, so this was odd for me. I was exhausted, it was just another sign of what my body is enduring, and the toll the chemo is taking on me. It’s been 2 years straight (with a 1 month break) of treatments. My body is crying from pain and exhaustion.

Before I went to sleep Karen and I chatted it up in the kitchen. I love “girl” talk, and she and I are both good listeners (and talkers!). It was great! I had a good night’s sleep, even though I shared my bed with Harley and Bailey for most of the night. I was zonked. The next day (Friday) was a total down day. The boys went out with John to move the boat out of the water, and the girls just hung. Even the pups were mellowing out with us. When the “men” came back, Evan and Johnny went out to toss the football around, and Harley and Bailey started crying and barking to get out there too. They needed to run, and I wanted them to be able to run in their big yard and get out their energy for the ride home. Karen agreed. The boys were out there, they can watch them too. So first I went out with Harley, who ran around and around, fast and faster! Then I let out Bailey to join us, and they played and ran and played, and then….. then…. Harley took off again with Bailey on his tail. Evan and Johnny went after them, Karen ran out too, and there I was, helpless again. Carly went out, John went out, and I just stood there. I hated that feeling, I was frustrated and angry. I thought to take Evan’s car, but couldn’t find the keys. John came running back, and he and I got into the truck to look for them. I have known John a long time, but I never saw this side of him before. He was so aggressive driving around the neighborhood looking for the dogs…. Everyone was looking for them, and I was helpless. Well, Johnny found Harley (who I found out later took off when he saw a deer), and Bailey ran to Karen when she called her in a playful way (good Bailey).

Evan drove me and our pups home. Not one ounce of vomit the whole way. Harley and Bailey both slept the entire trip home. Yay!!!

So, many a lesson learned this Thanksgiving, Harley needs to be knocked out before a long road trip; both of our dogs MUST be leashed when outside; we love spending time with dear friends, especially a holiday; and that my body needs a rest from the chemo.

There is a very fine line between fighting the fight and the quality of life. Of course I want to defeat the beast and be cancer free, but the truth is that ovarian cancer is a “chronic” disease that I will be fighting for the rest of my life. Some oc patients are blessed to beat it and don’t have the same fight as I do. But that has proven not to be the case for me. My body is tired, and in pain. It is screaming to me to please give it a break from the chemo so it can gain strength to fight the fight. I am scheduled for treatment this Tuesday, but will call Dr. S. tomorrow to discuss what to do for now. He is a very fair man, and of course, ultimately it is my choice. But, if he feels I can take a break and start up in January without too much of a setback, then I am going for it! 

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. There is so much to be thankful for; family, friends, health, happiness, love, the homes we live in, the food we eat, the clothes we wear and so on. The list is endless… I am very thankful for the love and support I have to help me fight my fight. I am also so very thankful I am still here to be writing about it. Xoxo